I have recently taken a long break from blogging. I use to write often. Sometimes daily, sometimes weekly. When I was doing my radio show “Sensi Life“. I rarely missed a day of writing for somewhere. But after my accident, when I was laid up, and sort of distraught. I didn’t blog, and I left many of them go. Some of them I stopped hosting. In fact most of my blogs (out of something like 40) were just gone. I still have many domains like that. I still own domains that I owned in 1997. I have archives of blogs I either owned or had an account at, long before that. Most of my conversations have been related to the LDS church (Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder Day Saints), but I do on occasion talk about cannabis, or national or international politics.
I usually write about what I see, and since most of my current and past experiences are directly related to local experiences in the USA that turns out to be what I write about. I realize that there is a global awareness and impact that should be addressed. But I have not traveled internationally much yet. Something that I intend to change.
One thing I can say, is that despite the importance and controversy around Bowe Bergdahl, I have always had sympathy for him. I was not a huge supporter in the beginning. Unlike most people, I read more about what happened right off the bat. I realized he “deserted”. I thought to myself “I could see me snapping like that, and walking off duty”. If the choices were “kill potentially innocent people, or commit a final descent into the abyss, which quite possibly could get you killed”. I have been to a similar abyss. Certainly not the same. Because I realize the depth the commitments that I make. I research them, and I have empathy enough to know what limits that I am capable.
So with this enlistment thing, in 1995 I decided to join the military. I had been working on a plan to enlist for about a year before I went to the recruiters office.
I started with getting a bunch of tattoos removed, which most were really dumb tattoos. But with a spider tattooed on the side of my head, I would never get anywhere in the military, that I would be stuck as a soldier who has no other duty than to be a pawn. I didn’t want to just be a foot soldier that killed people via melee means. I would rather try to talk sense into the head, by being the best that I could be. I ended up getting denied on my first attempt, for 2 reasons. 1. I didn’t have my GED, and 2, because I had multiple marijuana charges. I passed my pre-asvabs with top scores, and both the marines and the Airforce wanted to recruit me. But I had a few things to work on before I could enlist (thank be to all that is good)
So I moved on to Seattle, where I could get away with treating myself with cannabis. I had both physical orthopedic pain from some terrible skateboarding accidents. I had many concussions, cluster headaches, a broken arm (compound), and all of my fingers had been broke many times. So I needed cannabis for many things that I was dealing with. I did not want to get any more cannabis charges, because I could potentially get some of them expunged (potentially to allow for military enlistment). So I spent the next four years getting in adult education classes, and working on getting my criminal charges expunged, especially the one from when I was 17, because childhood charges like that should not have an impact on adult decisions. I had possession of marijuana and possession of paraphernalia, which I think one of those two were expunged eventually.
I wanted the military for selfish reasons. I had gotten to a low point in life, and decided that I would follow in the footsteps of my father and grandfather and several other family members, and enlist in the military, where I may be expected to do things that were against my will. I had always vowed to disobey orders if I was ever told to kill someone potentially innocent. I know that is frowned on, and desertion charges are freaking serious. But I was willing to desert my post as opposed to killing innocent people.
I got through my adult education classes by 1996, and I got my GED in 1997 when I was 19. I had also gotten my visible tattoos removed by then. I believe it was 1994 or early 1995 when I got the chicken scratch tattoos removed from my body. I had a lot of dumb things tattooed on me. Mostly some kinds of geodesic designs. I had a huge celtic cross tattooed on my left wrist, and a lightning bolt tattooed on my back. I also had a poorly done wizard that was done by a “professional tattoo shop” in Salt Lake. But I decided that I was serious about the military, or doing SOMETHING with my life, that I got those tattoos removed, many that I had done on my own self from the age of 12 on-ward.
But I had a clean start at age 19. I had gotten my GED, and my visible and shitty tattoos removed. But I wasn’t going to be going to the military. Fortunately those tattoos in part (along with marijuana charges), gave me another delay in joining the military. And it motivated me to get my charges expunged if possible, which I think the one from my childhood did get expunged in the end. But the time that I was given to think on the matter made a world of difference. I decided to stop pursuing a military career.
So when I was 35, I decided to start training for the Tough Mudder, to help people who had enlisted, but came home to find out that their country had turned their backs on them.
About 6 months after I started training to help vets via the Wounded Warrior Project and The Tough Mudder, I had a terrible fork put in my road.
(See this video that I made in April 2013) April 20th 2013, before the accident – Talking about the Tough Mudder event
In May of 2013, just less than a month later, I got in an accident, with a veteran that was discharged from the military for medical reasons.
Which this issue appeared to be mentally related, potentially a PTSD issue that had been left untreated, and this decorated soldier, was now drinking to self medicate, and he hit me head on driving against traffic, and he killed himself on my car, and I turned out pretty bad.
I made this sort of in dedication to him (the man that hit me), and PTSD, and what I was going through, with of all things PTSD.
(caption from Youtube Sep 10, 2013:
We are coming up on the 12th anniversary of a very horrible event that occurred on 9-11-2001 and I have made a video to talk about the soldiers who come back from the conflict in the middle east with PTSD. I have encouraged my listeners to participate in the Tough Mudder endurance challenge, and to contribute to the Wounded Warriors Project.
I made some commentary on cannabis and PTSD, and provided some clips from doctors who endorse using cannabis for treating PTSD.
And so I can have sympathy for Bowe Bergdahl. I wouldn’t kill innocent people regardless what my orders were. So I could see myself in his shoes.
Likewise, I didn’t sue his [the guy who hit me] wife for negligence, as I had several lawyers try to get me to do, because the man who hit me was driving his wife’s car without a license and without insurance. So the wife could have been liable according to lawyers that I spoke to. But I refused to sue her, or even discuss the topic of suing them. In fact I fired one lawyer that was trying to pull that card with me.
So when I read this about Bowe Bergdahl, I cringe. But I can also sympathize.
Why would Army officials sweep Bergdahl’s alleged desertion under the rug? To make President Obama look good. Last year, Obama was criticized for swapping a “dream team” of five top Taliban warriors from Guantanamo for a deserter who had fallen into enemy hands. Reinventing Bergdahl as a hero makes that trade sound acceptable. Disgracefully, that’s what the Army is doing.
I stayed out of this whole debate up until now. I couldn’t judge the guy. I do wonder how much of any information that the enemy got out of him, if any. I wonder if he was responsible of any of his fellow soldiers dying while looking for him. I wonder if someone could be that weak to just throw themselves into that sort of danger. I also wonder if that was his first contact with these Taliban folks.
If I was in the position of District Attorney or prosecuting attorney, then I would be looking into those details.
But I could see myself refusing to kill the innocent. And finally, I do think it was tragic that Obama traded those people who were likely to be killing people, and committing potential war crimes. The 5 Taliban leaders or whatever. If Bowe didn’t want to be found, or if he was good on defecting, or deserting or whatever it ended up being, that his value as an “American” or as a “POW” was not very valuable.
But then with things that I know that I have experienced since the accidents, which had in the past included some serious PTSD symptoms. I do sympathize as a human to a human, not just as “one American to another American”, but more of just “one human to another human”. My heart still bleeds for him and his family. Whatever in the F*CK happened out there.
These wars are fucking stupid, and we need to mind our own business, with what limited view I have. Those are my thoughts, take them for what they are.
I will be healed enough some day soon, and I will complete the Tough Mudder. It is more important than ever right now! I have a few more surgeries to get, for my foot to feel better.
BTW- Veteran Suicide is very high. I have heard the number, and possibly recited the number that I hear most often, which is “22 Veteran suicides every day”.
While Veteran suicides are higher than most demographics, it’s no where close to 22 suicides each day. Ref; http://taskandpurpose.com/truth-22-veteran-suicides-day/ Please pray for those folks out there that have suffered greatly because of these terrible wars.